Today’s Daily Read : How to get from where you are to where you wanna be. The 25 Principles of Success by – Jack Canfield

The Secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex, overwhelming tasks into small manageable task, and then starting on the first one. -Mark Twain.

1) Breaking difficult task into smaller pieces. First step : Consult someone who has already done what you want to do and ask what steps they took. Or you can purchase a BOOK or manual that outlines the process.

2) Its okay to ask for guidance, sometimes you can get it free, sometimes you just got to pay for it. Get used to asking!

3) Use mind mapping to identify what small steps needs to be taken.

4) Convert all items on the mind map to your daily to do list! Schedule them in order into your calendar and do whatever it takes to stay on schedule!

5) Eat the ugly frog first. It’s a system by Brian Tracy which simply means identify 5 of the most important task you need to accomplish today and choose 1 that you absolutely must do and do that first. That is the ugliest frog.

6) Plan your day the night before and your subconscious mind will work on these tasks all night long. You will be ahead of most people who wasted their morning clearing their desk, making lists, finding necessary paperwork.

7) One of the great things about living in todays world is that people in this world and most of the things have been documented in books, audio, video or seminars. Meaning if you want to be successful you can! If you want to have better relationship with your spouse, you can red a book on relationship. Take advantage of this information and follow the blueprint, use the system, and you will be on your way to success.

8) Some common reasons why we don’t seek out resources around us. 1. It never occurs to us. 2. Its inconvenient 3. Asking other for advice or information puts us up against our fear of rejection. 4. Connecting the dots in a new way would mean change and change is uncomfortable. 5. Connecting the dots means hard work, frankly nobody wants to work that hard.

9) Seek out a teacher, coach or mentor to help you achieve your major goals.

10) Ask someone if you can shadow them for a day and watch them work. Offer to be a volunteer, assistant, or intern for someone you think you can learn from.

As always you can get the book here from Amazon or download kindle apps on your ipad and buy from the web!

1. Recognising what tactic the other side is using and raise the issue explicitly, and question the tactic’s legitimacy and desirability.

2. Separate the people from the problem, don’t attack the people personally for using a tactic you consider illegitimate. If they get defensive it may be more difficult for them to give up the tactic.

3. Focus on interests, not positions, invent options for mutual gain and insist on using objective criteria.

4. Most common dirty tricks will be misrepresentation about facts, authority or intentions. If you are buying a car for example they will say This car was driven only 5000 miles by a little old lady who never went over 35 miles per hour. Disentangle the people from the problem. Unless you have good reason to trust somebody. Do not let someone treat your doubt as personal attack, it is not. No seller is going to give you a watch or car simply in exchange of your statement that you have money in the bank. So a practice of verifying factual assertions reduces the incentive for deception, and your risk of being cheated.

5. Ambiguous authority, after settling a agreement, the person suddenly say he have to double check with someone else for approval, this technique is designed to give them a second bite at the apple. Do not assume the other side has full authority just because they are there negotiating with you. Before starting on any give and take, find out about the authority on the other side.

6. Psychological warfare, these tactics are designed to make you feel uncomfortable, so that you will have a subconscious desire to end the negotiation as soon as possible. Like Stressful situations. Physical circumstances, like too hot, too noisy, too cold, meeting at your place or theirs. If you find the surrounding prejudicial, do not hesitate to say so and suggest a change.

7. Personal attacks, someone might use verbal or nonverbal communication to make you feel uncomfortable, they can comment on your clothes or your appearance. Looks like you were up all night, things not going well at the office? They can attack your status by making you wait for them or by interrupting the negotiations to deal with other people. In each case, recognising the tactic and bringing it up will probably prevent a recurrence.

8. Good guy and a bad guy routine, they will appear to be fighting in front of you. The first policeman threatens the suspect with prosecution for numerous crimes, put him under a bright light, pushes him around, then finally takes a break and leaves. The good guy then turn off the light, offers the suspect a cigarette, and apologise for the tough policeman. He says he would like to control the tough guy, but he can’t unless the suspect cooperates. The result: the suspect tells all he knows. What we can do is always go back to the objective and ask back the question, why do you think this is a fair deal?

9. What can we do if the other side refuse to negotiate? Recognise the tactic as a possible negotiating ploy. Don’t attack their refusal but communicate either directly or through third parties. Find out why they are not interested in negotiating. Lastly insist on using principles, like will they want others to refuse to negotiate with them? What are the principles they think should apply to this situation?

10. It is important to decide what it means to negotiate in “good faith” Is this the way i will negotiate with a family member or good friend? If a full account of what i said and did appeared in the media will i be embarrassed? Will i be a hero or a villain?

Set it right before you start and negotiate with principle and cut off the villain, to me if the other party is really in for a fair deal you are on the right track. If not this person is just a bad guy not worth working with.

A book not to miss!

However well you understand the interests of the other side, however ingeniously you invent ways of reconciling interests, however highly you value an ongoing relationship, you will almost always face the harsh reality of interests that conflict. No talk of “win-win: strategies can conceal that fact. You want the goods delivered tomorrow; the supplier would rather deliver them next week. You definitely prefer the large office with the view; so does your partner. Such differences cannot be swept under the rug.

1. No negotiation is likely to be efficient or amicable if you pit your will against theirs, and either you have to back down or they do. Trying to settle differences of interest on the basis of will has high costs, the solution is to negotiate on some basis independent of the will of either side, that is, on the basis of objective criteria.

2. Commit yourself to reaching a solution based on principle, not pressure. Concentrate on the merits of the problem, not the mettle of the parties. Be open to reason, but closed to threats.

3. A constant battle for dominance threatens a relationship; principled negotiation protects it. It is far easier to deal with people when both of you are discussing objective standards for settling a problem instead of trying to force each other to back down. The third world bloc, proposed an initial fee for companies mining in the deep seabed of $60 million per site. The united states rejected the proposal, suggesting there be no initial fee. Both sides dug in; the matter became a contest of will (battle of dominance). Then someone discovered that the MIT had developed a model for the economics of deep seabed mining, The model, gradually accepted by the parties as objective, provided a way of evaluating the impact of any fee proposal on the economics of mining. When the indian representation saw how the tremendous fee he proposed, can only be payable five years before the mine would generate any revenue, would make it virtually impossible for a company to mine. Impressed, he announced that he would reconsider his position. No one backed down, no one appeared weak, just reasonable. After a lengthy negotiation, the parties reached a tentative agreement that was mutually satisfactory. (objective)

3. So how do we develop our objective? First it must be based on Fair Standards. For Example your car is demolished and you file a claim with an insurance company. In discussion with the adjuster, you will need 1 the original cost of the car less depreciation, 2 what the car could have been sold for, 3. the standard blue book value for a car of that year and model, 4. what is would cost to replace that car with a comparable one and 5. what a court might award as the value of the car.

4. Fair Procedures. An old age way of dividing a cake between 2 children. One cuts and the other chooses. Neither can complain about an unfair division.

5. Frame each issue as a joint search for objective criteria. Reason and be open to reason as to which standards are most appropriate and how they should be applied. Never yield to pressure, only to principle.

6. Ask “What’s your theory?” If some one is giving you a price of $255,000 for your house. Ask what is the theory behind it. How did you arrive at this figure.

7. He might answer, my neighbour is sold his apartment next door for $260,000 so i think it is fair to price at $255,000. So if this is your theory, lets look at what the house on the corner of Ellsworth and Oxford and the one at Broadway and Dana were sold for.

8. Never yield to pressure, Pressure can take many forms, a bribe, a threat, a manipulative appeal to trust, or a simple refusal to budge. In all cases, the principled response is the same, invite them to state their reasoning, suggest objective criteria you think apply, and refuse to budge expect on this basis. Never yield to pressure, only to principle

9. Principled negotiation allow you to hold your own and still be fair. Principle serves as your hardhearted partner who will not let you yield to pressure. It is a form of “right makes might”.

10. If there is no give in their position and you find no principled basis for accepting it, you should asses what you might gain by accepting, their unjustified position rather than going to your best alternative. You should weigh that substantive benefit against the benefit to your reputation as a principled negotiator that could come from walking away.

Hope this gives you some ideas for you to negotiate better be it relationship or for business. Always be prepared. Be fair, Ask what is the theory behind their stand, Never yield to pressure and most importantly trust your heart. Take Charged!

Many times we think that fair is dividing for example an orange into 2, half goes to the first child and the other to the second. However the first child ate the fruit and threw away the peel and the second child threw away the fruit and dried the peel to bake a cake.  Many negotiation end up with half an orange for each side instead of the whole fruit for one and the whole peel for the other.

1. Obstacle that inhibits the inventing of abundance of options 1: Premature judgement, nothing is so harmful to inventing as a critical sense waiting to pounce on the drawbacks of any new idea. Judgement hinders imagination. If you wish for a pay raise of $5000 and your boss counter with $1500. A figure that is unsatisfactory. In a tense situation like this you are not likely to start inventing imaginative solutions. You may fear that if you suggest something stupid you will be shoot down and rejected.

2. Obstacle that inhibits the inventing of abundance of options 2: Everyone is searching for a single answer. We tend to think, we are having a hard enough time agreeing as it is. The last thing we want is a bunch of different ideas. Since the end product of a negotiation is a single decision, we fear that free floating discussion will only delay and confuse the process.

3. Obstacle that inhibits the inventing of abundance of options 3: The assumption of a fixed pie, people always think in a fixed sum game, $100 more for you on the price means $100 less for me. Why bother to invent if all the options are obvious and i can satisfy you only at my own expense?

4. Obstacle that inhibits the inventing of abundance of options 4: Thinking that solving their problem is their problem. Shortsighted self concern thus leads a negotiator to develop only partisan positions, partisan arguments, and one sided solutions.

5. Solution : Separate inventing from deciding, invent first, decide if it will work later. Brainstorm for ideas, people need not fear looking foolish since wild ideas are explicitly encouraged, there is no right way to run a brainstorming session.

6. Solution : Broaden your options, at this stage of negotiation we are not looking for the right path but looking for room to develop for negotiation. The key to wise decision making, wheather in wine making, sports, or negotiation, lies in selecting from a great  number and variety of options.

7. Solution : Look at the problem from multiple expert. From a banker, accountant, coach, lawyer.

8. Solution : Look for mutual gains. The Chess game may always seem like a either you win or i lose game. Not until a dog trots by and knocks over the table, spills the beer, and leaves you both worse off than before.

9. Focus on the differences in interest and belief make it possible for an item to be of high benefit to you, yet low cost to the other side.

Jack sprat could eat no fat

his wife could eat no lean,

and so betwixt them both

They licked the platter clean.

10. Ask for their preferences, one way to dovetail interests is to invent several options all equally acceptable to you and ask the other side which one they prefer. You want to know what is preferable, not necessarily what is acceptable.

Hope this 10 points opens up your mind in negotiating, its never one way to solve a problem. If you want to know more do get the book from amazon here.

 

20 days of unstoppable learning! Hope you guys are enjoying the learning as much as i do! So today we will be on chapter 3 of Getting To Yes! 10 points lets go!

1. 2 man quarreling in a library, one wants the window open and the other wants it closed. They bicker back and forth about how much to leave it open, a crack, half way, three quarters of the way. No solution satisfies them both. Enter the librarian. She asked one why he wants the window open “to get some fresh air” she asks the other why he wants it closed “to avoid the draft” after thinking a minute, she open wide a window in the next room, bringing in fresh air without a draft. For a wise solution reconcile interests, not positions.

2. The story about is a very common situation in negotiation where both party are not clear on the interests but focusing on the position of the window. No one would have been able to solve this problem if the librarian focus on the position too.

3. Interests define the problem. The basic problem in a negotiation lies not in conflicting positions, but in the conflict between each side’s needs, desires, concerns, and fears.

4. Behind opposed position lie shared and compatible interests, as well as conflicting ones. Like in a interest of a tenant vs landlord. Both want stability. The landlord wants a stable tenant; the tenant wants a permanent address. The shared interest being know may lead to a negotiation which results to a long lease, an agreement to share the cost of improving the apartment and efforts by both parties to accommodate each other in the interest of a good relationship.

5. To understand what interest they are in. Always ask yourself why when the other party takes a position. Why does the landlord prefer to fix the rent in a five year instead of one by one?

6. The most powerful interests are basic human needs. In searching for the basic interests behind a declared position, look particularly for those bedrock concerns that motivate all people. If you can take care of such basic needs, you increase the chance both of reaching agreement and, if an agreement is reached, of the other side’s keeping to it. Basic human needs include:

1. security
2. economic well being
3. a sense of belonging
4. recognition
5. control over one’s life

7. Acknowledge their interests as part of the problem. Each of us tends to be so concerned with his or her own interests that we pay too little heed to the interest of others. People listen better if they feel that you have understood them.

8. Put the problem before your answer. If you tell them your answer first they may feel defensive and will not want to listen and start attacking you back. However if you want some one to listen and understand your reasoning, give your interests and reasoning first and your conclusions or proposals later. Tell the company first about the dangers they are creating then they will listen carefully.

9. Be concrete but flexible, you wanna know where you are going and yet be open to fresh ideas! To avoid having to make a difficult decision on what to settle for, people will often go into a negotiation with no plan other than to sit down with the other side and see what they offer or demand. An open mind is not a empty mind.

10. Be hard on the problem, soft on the people. It is not wise to commit yourself to your position but it is wise to commit to your interest. Often the wisest solutions, those that produce the maximum gain for you at the minimum cost to the other side, are produced only by strongly advocating your interests.

Tell us how you are able to apply these negotiation skills in your daily life or if it had impacted you in the comments below! Stay strong, Take Charge!

As always the book you can purchase it from the link below!

Same as how the Chinese always says 对事不对人 english we have separate the people from the problem. Today we will be touching on the first part out of the 4 method in winning a negotiation.

1. Ever happen to you in a work place where you always “kena” arrow? Then you are thinking why always me it has been 5 times in two weeks. What’s going on? Thinking that, your boss hates you or something but turns out when you asked your boss, its because your boss thinks you are the best, he can trust you. He keep on sending you because he had no choice as no other people are able to replace you. The boss also thought that you love the responsibility. We human being have emotions, deeply held values, and different backgrounds and viewpoints. We are prone to cognitive biases, partisan perceptions, blind spots, and leaps of illogic.

2. Every negotiator has two kinds of interests. 1. in the relationship. 2. substance

3. Anger over a situation may lead you to express anger toward some huamn being associated with it in your mind. Like “The kitchen is a mess” or “Our bank account is low”  Egos tend to become involved in substantive positions and it will be hard for people to negotiate properly.

4. Disentangle the relationship from the substance; deal directly with the people problem. In negotiating it is easy to forget that you must deal not only with their people problems, but also with your own. Your anger and frustration may obstruct an agreement beneficial to you. You perceptions are likely to be one sided, and you may not be listening or communicating adequately.

5. As useful as looking for objective reality can be, it is ultimately the reality as each side sees it that constitutes the problem in a negotiation and opens the way to a solution.

6. Put yourself in their shoes. How you see the world depends on where you sit. People tend to see what they want to see. You may see on the table a glass half full of cool water. Your spouse may see a dirty, half empty glass about to cause a ring on the mahogany finish.

7. They met in a bar, where he offered her a ride home. He took her down unfamiliar streets. He said it was a shortcut. He got her home so fast she caught the ten o’clock news. Why is the ending so surprising? We made an assumption based on our fears.

8. Under attack, the other party will become defensive. For example, you do a lousy job and the machine breaks down again. When you talk about the problem, distinguish the symptoms from the person with whom you are talking. “Our machine that you service has broken down again. That is three times in the last month. The first time it was out of order for an entire week. This factory needs a functioning machine. I need your advice on how we can minimize our risk of machine breakdown. Should we change service companies, sue the manufacturer, or what?

9. We are doing it just to let them “save face”. The tone implies ridicule. The grave misunderstanding of the role and importance of face saving. Face saving involves reconciling an agreement with principle and with the self image of the negotiators. Its importance should not be underestimated.

10. Listen actively and acknowledge what is being said. “Did i understand correctly that you are saying that . . .?”

Mostly importantly is to keep a good relationship with the other party. Prevention is better than cure. Hope this helps with your daily negotiation and unlock some brain juice from you. If you need the book check out my link below!